The Inappropriate Song
by Ponyboysgirl1
Summary: Charlie and Claire can only find one way to make their infant daughter laugh. HumorReenactment of a Friends EpisodeCome in for better summary


**Title:** The Inappropriate Song  
**Author:** Hayley  
**Genre:** Charlie and Claire very AU  
**Rating:** PG  
**Summary:** As some of you know, I already did one reenactment to a Friends episode; well I am back with another! You don't have to read the other to understand this one, because I incorporated that story into this one.  
This one is from the Friends episode ' The One With the Inappropriate Song. Charlie and Claire can only find one way to make their infant daughter laugh.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything CC or LOST or Friends.  
**Dedication:** All my PB Shipper's and Sugarplum Fairies!

* * *

It had been almost two years since Charlie and Claire had first met. None other than their own best friends Sayid, Shannon, Kate and Jack set them up on a blind date. Jack and Kate had been going 'steady' for about 2 years now, while Sayid and Shannon had that famous ' love hate relationship'.

A year, was all Charlie and Claire dated for before they announced that they were going to be married, they were so in love it was hard to believe two people could be that happy.

All six of the Friends lived in the same apartment building, Charlie and Claire, Kate and Shannon, and Jack and Sayid. Although Kate and Jack wanted to move in together, that would have meant Shannon and Sayid living together, and neither Shannon nor Sayid was ready for that. So until they were, Kate and Jack remained happy, they didn't just yet want to turn into Charlie and Claire who they joked about being the 'Old Married Couple'.

But in reality they were still newlyweds, just under a year ago, Charlie and Claire had been living together in a new, slightly bigger, apartment in New York with their infant daughter, Cassandra. Their best friends Jack and Kate and Shannon all still lived close by to them, because it was a must. They were all best friends. Things went about pretty smoothly for the best friends day in and day out.

On this particular day, Charlie was at home with Cassie, as they nicknamed Cassandra, while Claire was hanging out with Kate at her and Shannon's place.

Charlie had just finished changing Cassie's diaper when he began to talk to her in baby talk.

" Ah, look at you. You are the cutest little baby ever. You're just a itty bitty baby, you know that?" he asked the baby as he picked her up and held her carefully. " But you've got big blue beautiful eyes, yes you do. And a big round belly," he said as he rubbed her tummy.

" And a big baby butt," he laughed as he gently bounced Cassie.

" I like big butts," he said as he was reminded of the song ' Baby Got Back' by Sir Mix-a -Lot.

" _I like big butts and a cannot lie,_" he began to sing the song while carefully bouncing Cassie to the beats. " _You other brothers can't deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get-_" he was stopped by the soft sweet sound of a laugh coming from his daughter.

His eyes got wide. Cassie had never laughed before.

" Oh my gosh. Cassie, you're laughing!" he exclaimed happily. " You've never done that before, have you? No you haven't," he said still talking in baby talk, subconsciously. He and Claire had the habit of doing that a lot around Cassie.

" Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-a-lot," he added.

He looked down at Cassie who was staring at her Daddy with big blue eyes.

" What's that?" he asked pretending she said something. " You want to hear more?" he asked. " Alright," he said as he began to sing more in hopes of making her laugh again.

" _My anaconda don't want none, unless you've got buns hon,_" he sang.

Cassandra did indeed let out another soft giggle.

Charlie thought a minute, " I'm a terrible father," he said out loud, for singing this song to his daughter.

Claire was hanging around Kate's apartment and the two were sitting at the table chatting away.

" And then," Claire spoke to Kate. " The doctor said that Cassie has doubled her birth weight. She's in the 90 percentile. And that she's going to start eating solid food really soon," she explained happily.

" Oh, that's great!" said Kate.

" I know," Claire answered.

Then there was a slight awkward silence.

" What did we use to talk about?" Claire asked. It seemed that every time they talked now it was about her and Charlie's baby. And there was nothing else to talk about. She couldn't even remember what they use to talk about before she had Cassie.

" I have no idea," laughed Kate, as she understood what Claire meant and brought her coffee mug up to her mouth and took a sip.

Just then Shannon walked in holding two dresses. Shannon was a lot more frantic than she normally was.

" You guys have to help me pick a dress," she explained walking over to the table. " I'm meeting Sayid's parents tonight!" she said nervously.

" Wow, the boyfriends parents, that's a really big step," explained Kate.

" Really? That hadn't occurred to me," said Shannon sarcastically.

" Sweetie, they're gonna love you. Just be yourself," said Kate in response.

" They live on the upper East side on Park Avenue!" she explained to them. They were very rich and well off, whereas that wasn't exactly how Shannon lived. Sure she loved to shop and be girly, but the place they lived was very sophisticated, and so not her.

" Oh yeah, she cannot be herself," said Claire crossing her arms.

" Yeah," agreed Shannon. " So okay. Which dress," she asked holding the two in her hand up.

Kate and Claire just stared at both of the dresses with scrunched up noses. Both of the dresses were all wrong.

" Well, you can say neither," Shannon said to them.

" Oh my God, neither!" Claire quickly said.

" Nope, neither!" Kate said at the exact same time.

" Well, you can say it nicely," said Shannon as she placed both of the dresses on the counter.

" Honey, don't worry. We'll take you shopping and everything will be fine," Claire assured her.

" Yeah, you'll be fine," Kate, added.

" And Shannon. I am so good with meeting parents," said Claire. " You know, with the father you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way. Just like.. ' Well, Mr. Pace, I can see where Charlie gets his good looks from,' " Claire imitated herself.

Kate gave her an odd look and raised an eyebrow.

" Yes, I really did say it!" laughed Claire.

" Well, what about Sayid's mom?" Shannon asked wanting some more tips.

" Well, with the mother just constantly keep telling her how amazing her son is," said Claire. " Take it from me. Mom's love me," she assured Shannon.

Shannon nodded taking in all of Claire's advice.

It was later than day and Charlie had just finished putting Cassandra down for a nap when Claire walked in from a day of shopping for Shannon.

" Hey," said Claire as she walked over and kissed Charlie on the lips.

" Hi," said Charlie as he wrapped his arms around her waist and then took her hand and led her over to the couch where they both sat down.

" I just got finished getting Shannon all ready to meet Sayid's parents, she's so nervous, it was sweet," gushed Claire.

Charlie hadn't even really listened to what Claire said; he was too excited to tell her the news.

" Guess what?" he asked quickly. " I made Cassie laugh today!"

" You what?" Claire asked in shock. There was no way she missed her daughter's first laugh. " And I missed it! All because I was giving a make over to that whiny brat!" she said of Shannon, upset.

" Yeah," said Charlie still excited about it. " It was like a real little person laugh too. It was kind if like- hehehehehee" he began to try to imitate Cassie's laugh, but instead it came off creepy sounding coming from him.

Claire raised an eyebrow at him.

" Yeah, only not creepy," he assured her.

" Yeah," said Claire relieved. " So, what did you do to make her laugh?" she asked now more excited than upset.

" Well, I sang- actually I rapped-" he said stopping in mid sentence.

" Awe," said Claire with a grin.

He continued his sentence, " I rapped Baby Got Back," he finished.

Claire grin disappeared when he said that.

" You what?" she asked quickly.

She spoke up again before he could respond. " You sang, to our baby daughter, a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?" Claire asked angrily as she stood up and put her hands on her hips.

Charlie stood up next to her.

" But you know, if you think about it. It actually promotes a healthy, uh, body image," he said. " Because.. Even big butts or " juicy doubles" " he quoted the song.

" Oh God," said Claire rolling her eyes at his excuse.

" Or.. Uh," he didn't really have any more excuses. " Umm, please don't take her away from me," he said with a hint of a joking smile, hoping to lighten Claire up.

Claire just rolled her eyes again and walked away.

A couple hours she walked back into the living and stood over the couch where Charlie was sitting.

" Look, I'm going to go to the grocery store. Cassie isn't up from her nap yet, so we can't all go like normal. You can stay here and wait for her to wake up," she explained.

" No, look why don't you stay here with Cassie and I'll go to the grocery store," Charlie suggested.

" What? Are you sure?" Claire asked.

Charlie nodded. He had to do something to get on Claire's good side after earlier.

" Alright," she said. " I am pretty tired," she admit as she sat on the couch next to him.

" Good, then I'll leave right now," he said.

" Thanks, sweetie," said Claire with a smile as she leaned up to give him a kiss before he left.

" No problem, love," he assured her as he kissed her a few times. " I'll be back in a half an hour or so," he said as he took the short shopping list from Claire and stuffed it into his jeans pocket and headed out the door.

Claire finally closed her eyes to relax for a bit when she just then heard Cassie crying.

" Oh, of course, the second after Charlie leaves," mumbled Claire with a sigh as she got up and got her daughter.

She placed her in her carrier on the coffee table in front of the couch after she had soothed her cries.

" Please," Claire begged. " Please laugh for Mommy," she said to Cassie as she leaned over her carrier.

Claire made a funny face in an attempt to make Cassie laugh, but her daughter only stared at her blankly.

" Not funny, huh?" Claire asked her.

" So, is it only offensive novelty rap that makes you laugh?" Claire asked the baby. " Or maybe it's just rap in general?" she asked.

" Because, Mommy can rap," she said.

She began top make up a rap, " _My name is Mommy. And I'm here to say. That all the babies in town-_" she stopped. " Oh, I can't rap," she sighed.

" All right, sweetheart," Claire said gently touching her daughter's cheeks. " This is only because I love you so much," she said. " And I know that you're not gonna tell anybody, especially not Daddy," Claire said. She had to do it. If this is what would make her daughter laugh, then she had to.

Claire sighed, feeling bad about what she was going to do. Especially after she gave Charlie such a hard time.

" _I like big,_" she paused hardly able to say the words to her daughter. " _Butts and I cannot lie. You other brother's can't deny. When a girl walks in with a itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face,_" Claire said more so than rapped. She then heard Cassie laugh happily.

" Yes! Yes! Yes!" Claire said encouragingly to her daughter as she heard her laughing softly still.

" _I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brother's can't deny!_ " Claire sang again, willingly this time, with a bright smile as Cassie continued to laugh.

" Yes! My baby! You are laughing!" Claire exclaimed as she stopped rapping to her and picked Cassie up out of her carrier and held her in her arms tightly.

" Oh, you really do like big butts, don't you?" Claire said as she hugged Cassie and rocked her happily a few times. " Oh, you beautiful little weirdo," she said.

Just then Charlie walked in through the door with a grocery bag, setting it on the table before walking over to Claire and Cassie.

" Oh!" Claire exclaimed happily to Charlie. " You missed it, she was laughing! Oh it was amazing, amazing!" she said as she carefully handed Cassie over to Charlie, who held her close to his chest.

" It was the most beautiful sound," gushed Claire.

" Oh, I know," agreed Charlie. " So, what did you do to make her laugh?" Charlie asked as he slowly rocked his daughter in his arms.

" Oh, you know. Just a.. A couple of things I tried," Claire stuttered slightly as she nervously ran her fingers through her hair. " I sang Little Itsy Bitsy Spider,"

There was a pause for a minute as Charlie thought a moment.

" You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?" he asked with a hint of a smile, knowing that she did.

Claire sighed giving in. " Nothing else works! That girl is all about the ass," she said making her own excuse.

Charlie laughed and shook his head softly at his wife. He then walked over and placed Cassie back in her carry on the table.

" So do you want to sing it together?" Charlie asked.

Claire giggled, " Sure," she said.

So Charlie and Claire began to sing the inappropriate song to Cassandra.

" _I've seen them dancing!_ " Charlie sang his line.

" _The hell with romancin'!_ " Claire sang as she and Charlie dancing to the beat of the song as they sang and were continuing to make Cassie laugh softly at her parents.

" _She's sweat! Wet, got it going like a turbo Vette',_ " sang Charlie.

" _So fellas!_" Claire sang, Cassandra's giggling egging her on to continued, same with Charlie.

" _Yeah?_" Charlie asked.

" _Fellas!_" she said her line as they still continued to bop about singing together.

" _Yeah?_" he asked again singing.

" _Has your girlfriend got the butt?_" Claire sang.

" _Yeah!_" Charlie said turning around and shaking his butt to the words.

" _So, shake it!_" Claire said as she playfully slapped his butt and danced.

" _Shake it!_" he said as he did.

" _Shake it! Shake that nasty butt!_" Claire said.

" _Back got back!_" they both sang together.

" One more time! From the top!" Claire said in a very upbeat tone.

Charlie stopped suddenly and turned back around looking embarrassed.

" _I like big butts and I cannot lie!_ " Claire sang as she jumped to the beats, facing Charlie still.

Facing him, so that she couldn't see what Charlie saw, their four best friends, Jack, Kate, Shannon, and Sayid standing in the doorway watching.

" _You other... brothers.._" Claire's voice slowly faded as she turned around to see their four friends, all looking at Charlie and her with raised eyebrows.

After a moment of silence Charlie finally spoke up.

" Claire, please! That is so inappropriate!" Charlie said with disgust, jokingly acting like it was all her.

" What!" Claire asked embarrassed.

Charlie tried to hide the smile on his face, but everyone saw through it and just then Cassie giggled again and they then had to explain the whole story to their best friends.

**The End**

**AN:** Any kind of feedback is appreciated.


End file.
